Evolving lanaguage

I am not sure why all of the sudden, but I have an issue that is stuck in my brain that I feel the need to address the whole world regarding their ignorance of the facts. Quick bunny trail: We have become a very opinionated people recently. Ok, back to these facts.

There has been an evolution in the American language over the last 40 years, where words used to mean one thing and now mean something else. I'll give you a few examples:

Cool used to refer to temperature, but now refers to whether something is popular or socially acceptable.

Hot used to refer to temperature but now refers to whether someone is sexually attractive or not.

These are common every day evolution's in language that no one is throwing a fit about.

So why is it when the word gender goes through an evolution, we get all panicky and bring out our pitchforks in protest?

So, before I go on in my diatribe, I want to give some qualifications to my descriptions. 1) I am almost done with my Master's in Anthropology. These terms were not created by God, but by social scientists.  Gen 1:27, "And God created man(kind) in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

There are a couple of interesting things to note here. Eve hasn't been created yet, but the feminine is mentioned. Many biblical scholars think that the original creation was a being that housed both feminine and masculine genders, and then when God removed the "rib" from Adam, he removed the femininity and made a new being called woman.

So, God created "man and woman" and he created "male and female".  One of those sets refers to their sex and the other refers to their gender. So again, the terms to identify these different qualities "the sex" or "the gender" were created by scientists and have evolved over the years.

At one point your sex and your gender were considered synonymous. If you were a biological girl then you were called female. But over the last forty or so years, we've realized that while there may be a binary in the sexes, there isn't a binary in genders. I say may be a binary in sexes because that's contested. I firmly believe you are either man or woman, have an inny or an outy, XX or XY. But gender is different.

Gender is more fluid. It is more about how you relate to the world than what parts you are born with. There are women who are very feminine: girly girls but there are also girls who are a bit more rough and tumble: tom boys. That is their gender expressing itself differently. One is not better than the other. Certainly God loves you whether you prefer makeup or Nascar. It's just personality and social upbringing. Men too come in different expressions. Some men are very masculine while others are softer and more gentle. Again, one is not better than the other. One is not a sign of weakness, where the other is strong. Neither have anything to do with whom you are sexually attracted too either. You can have really masculine or more feminine men who are hetero or homo-sexual.

So you are born with reproductive parts and that assigns your sex, in a binary set of choices (IMO). But there are hundreds of different combinations or expressions of gender. Those expressions of gender have nothing to do with your sexual preferences.

What this means to everyday language is that I can say I am a woman and a tomboy or you could say that you are a high-femme man. Or maybe you are gen-neutral, not feeling overly male or female.

The point is our language has evolved along side of our understanding of the different expressions of masculinity and femininity in the world. Fifty years ago your sex and gender were synonymous, but today that is not necessarily true.

I believe the "trans" movement may throw a wrench into this argument because they are using the wrong language. If Bruce Jenner went through physically altering surgery to become Caitlyn Jenner, then he is not a transgender, he is a transsexual. If there is no physically altering surgery, but he is just embracing a more feminine expression of himself and is still physically a man, IMO then he is truly transgender. Caitlyn with all her male bits would be a high-femme man.

In closing, I want to speak to the sin question that Christians bring up around this issue. Most people are not going to tell a girl that likes to play with GI Joes instead of Barbie that she's in sin, because she is a tomboy. So why would it be sin for Caitlyn Jenner? Is there a line in the sand that gets crossed? Who draws that line? There's no way for human's to judge that, so it's better to judge with mercy and not call it sin. That being said, I think you could make a strong case for brokenness. But again, I don't think anyone would ever say that a man who likes to cook, garden, and likes fashion instead of auto mechanics is broken. But I don't believe it's fully in God's design for a man to be so extremely disconnected with masculinity that he becomes a woman or vice versa. I think the church has to be very careful about the words we ascribe to individuals in these situations. Either way, whether sin or brokenness, I know that loving people will go a long way. In the places in my life, where I have sin and/or brokenness, I want people to love me where I am while also speaking truth about my identity to me, so that I can walk in full freedom.

As a personal confession on this issue: I think I was a normal little girl. I played with dolls but I was also adventurous. Not necessarily high-femme but not full tomboy either. Puberty was difficult and being a woman was physically and emotionally painful. I wanted a hysterectomy every month from the time I was 15, until I got it at the age of 35. I didn't enjoy being a woman. I didn't know how to handle my sexuality either and the advances of men that were not welcome and often turned really ugly added to my disdain for femininity. I have always loved makeup and jewelry and the genteel things of life, but they have felt like something that is exhausting like wearing a costume. Many years ago, I quit wearing makeup and wanted to embrace myself in a low-femme manner. Knowing my value is in my heart and not my accessories, I have fought to find real identity and self love as I am, not how I think I should be. I think deep down I wish I was thinner, healthier and had the emotional energy to give myself to being a high-femme woman, but I don't. So that's ok. So today, I would describe myself as a low-femme woman. I've repented for being angry at God for making me a woman and I'm learning to accept that he knows what he's doing.

I hope you appreciate the journey of identity and the evolution of language. Think about it before you make snap decisions about these issues next time.

That moment where you find yourself crying in class...

In my career as a college student, I have cried in class twice. Once was 10+ years ago and it was Biblical Hebrew. Last night it was Liberation Theology. Liberation Theology is a popular form of Christianity, particularly in South America. Its main tenets are that the gospel and the message of Jesus Christ is primarily about setting the captives free and loving the broken, lost, poor, weak and vulnerable. I personally believe that they also draw a line that says that if your Christianity doesn't look like this, then you may not be a Christian (or at least that they doubt the sincerity of your faith).

Anytime conversations are happening, they are not without context. Last night, there was a context (behind the scenes) of my own life, the context of the lives of my fellow students, professors, and the context of America in the midst of the global context.  There's lots of context that weighed on those conversations. Part of that context was that I voted for Trump. When I voted for Trump, I liked let's say 6 out of 10 things about him. It turns out that those 4 things that I don't like about him are weighted differently than the six things I do like about him, so they feel more like I dislike 9 things about him and only like 1 thing about him. The weightiness of the stuff that is being said about him before he was elected and since, are incredibly heavy. I like most American's don't REALLY know what is or isn't true. Media has and can really distort things. You can offer sound bites that are totally taken out of context and completely misconstrue what someone was trying to say. So it is entirely possible that Trump has said and fully meant every horrible thing he has ever said or maybe he didn't. Either way, the weightiness of his choices and words has cost me a lot of relationships. I have friends who I have known for years who won't speak to me anymore because I voted for him. I have people who used to respect me, who don't anymore. His election has been very costly. I don't regret my choice. I would probably vote for him again. I still would not vote for Hillary. It's been costly, and I have internalized Trumps poor choices and now walk around with voter's guilt. Every news story of people being denied health care or whatever because of something Trump did, I feel like has been another rock around my neck. I am broken over the state of America and I feel helpless and hopeless for a solution on how to change it. So I walked into class, carrying a box of Thin Mints because I knew it was going to be a tough night, guarded. My professor does not like Trump. I won't say he hates him, but he is angry at Trumps choices.  So that add's its own measure of context to the situation. The first hour and a half, I felt like we were listening to a sermon "Sinners in the hands of an angry God."  For an hour and a half, the professor spoke angrily about the state of the church of America and American herself, because both are complicit. Because the class is based in a forum, I tried to interject some opinions on how I see the world and I felt shut down. I also felt my other classmates who tried to voice opinions were being shut down too. When we took our break, I went outside and inhaled a box of Thin Mints, because I was eating my emotions. I was angry and I felt powerless. I went back in for the second half and hoped I could bide my time and get out without incident. But the professor asked me why I was taking it all personally. And my lip started quivering. And then a fellow student brought up the power differential in the room and as my professor backed down, I lost it. I cried for what felt like 10 minutes with everyone watching me. MISERABLE! And then I tried to verbalize it, to answer his questions. But they felt weak and not comprehensive. And then, he said that he was sorry and told me three more reasons he was right. Ugh.

He said that he thought I was his ally because I connected him with another professor that shares his points of views. I highly respect both of these men, but I don't always see the world the same way they do. And I feel like every time they highlight the tragedies of this world, that somehow I am to blame. Some of this is absolutely false guilt. Some of it is conviction. Some of it is the fact that I am highly empathetic and feel broken about the state of the US and the world.

On top of all of this, there is the fact that there was a power differential in the room. He is a he and he is also a professor. My femininity and the fact that I am a student make it incredibly hard to disagree with someone when they are in a position of power.  In this case, I really wish that if he wanted to lecture us, it would have been presented as a lecture class. But when it is a forum class, I wish my opinions could be heard and debated without being completely shot down. I told him and the class, "I am not looking to be coddled intellectually. I want to be challenged. But I also want to be heard." I didn't feel heard. Especially after the apology and 3 more reasons to prove he was right and statements like "I'm the professor and have read more so maybe I am just supposed to win the argument."  I get it. Totally. Make it a lecture class then. I am teachable and can totally sit back and listen to what you think is the right way to see the world. Don't ask for my opinion and then not hear it.

As a woman who has been abused by men in a variety of different ways throughout my life, I am frustrated and broken by the system. The irony is we were acting out the dynamics of Liberation Theology and I was the oppressed. As he was angrily lecturing us about the value of liberation theology, he missed me as an individual.

I can honestly say that I don't know why I really cried. I don't know if it was the drama at my job, regular grad school pressure, haven't seen my family pressure, grant proposal and ethnographic research plans pressure, Trump/USA stuff I said earlier and/or so much more. So it may have been unavoidable. I am giving him deference by saying these things. It's not all his fault.

As a woman, when we cry in public, we feel crazy. We fear that people think we are crazy. I am highly emotional. I don't want people to think that I am weak and vulnerable. These people have my future in their hands. I need recommendation letters and stuff. I don't want to be seen as fragile and anxiety ridden. We make jokes about me ending up in the fetal position in class, but I am not unstable. I feel things REALLY deeply. I don't want to be applauded for crying nor do I want to be thought of as weak, unstable or crazy. My relationship with classmates and professors is not deep enough to sustain that kind of vulnerability. It reminds me of 1 Cor 13:7 in The Mirror Translation, "Love is a fortress where everyone feels protected rather than exposed!"  I didn't feel protected, I felt exposed. I didn't feel loved. I'm grateful next week is spring break and I hope the shame/vulnerability that I feel will melt away by then.

I want to be very clear. I do not blame my professor!  It is not his fault. I totally forgive him. He is a great teacher and a great man. I am grateful he is in my life. (I'm not just saying this to save face, it's true.) I in no way am writing this to defame his character. I am just journaling out my feelings about how things went down  as an attempt at catharsis. I am not mentioning his name on purpose and the only way that anyone from that situation will ever see this is if they are already following me, which I highly doubt.

I don't even know if this is all of it. This is just the top layer of emotions right now. This is my prayer, my offering to God to heal my hurting heart.

I covet your prayers.

When parenting looks a whole lot like martial law

Long before Trump was ever even the official nominee, and I was trying to wrap my brain around how to vote for him, I had a dream. I know there are lots of different kinds of dreams. There are "I ate weird food" dreams, "I am mentally processing my life" dreams and I believe that there are "God" dreams. I tell about my dream in my last post.  I personally think it was a God dream, but I understand that other people had dreams that were pro-Hillary that they felt like were God dreams too. I didn't mean for this post to be about dreams so I am just going to say that I don't think that means that God is schizophrenic. I think God could have used either of them. But that's really a whole different post.  In the dream I had there was a quality that was highlighted to me and that is "the father heart of God." So I have been thinking and praying about Trump and America and the crazy mess we are in. Something changed when Trump was elected. Like that night, there was a chemical change in America. We brought two things together and they turned into something brand new. We have not seen in my lifetime, in my opinion, the amount of protests, and rioting and whining that we have seen since he was elected. The media seems to have lost its ever loving mind. Can you imagine there being "alternative facts" in the 80's? People lost their jobs for this stuff back in the day. I have been thinking and really a phrase has been rolling around in my spirit for the last week or so that America is acting like a spoiled child and is in need of discipline. We are acting like a 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum in Walmart. This morning as I was praying I was thinking about this and God reminded me of there dream and Trump being a carrier of the father heart of God. I felt like the Lord asked me, when a spoiled child is acting out, what does a loving parent do? It brings discipline. If we apply that metaphor to an entire nation, what does discipline look like? Setting "temporary bans" so your friends can't come over? Reallocating your benefits so that your priorities are straight. And I think if that doesn't work, it looks like martial law. I think you get your butt whooped. (this isn't a place to debate spankings or time-outs.) i grew up in a home that believed in spankings and I do too. I think it's biblical. I also think that each kid can be disciplined differently. But I think that what we are seeing if Trump acting as a father of kids who have had it their way for the last 8+ years and are now feeling very entitled and spoiled. (This is not just Obama's fault. I actually think a lot of it goes back to FDR and the New Deal.)  I think he is stepping in to remind them that the life they are living is a privilege and they need to have the character to sustain that blessing. I think that discipline can be misconstrued if you don't fully understand the heart of the father. I think it can feel abusive. I also think parents can be qbusive if they don't know the heart of their child. Discipline and reward must happen from a place of vulnerability and intimacy. I think America needs discipline right now. I hope we don't have to go through martial law (or worse) to get straightened out. I pray that America will have a clear understanding of the father heart of God and the father heart of Trump. I pray that America will quit acting so spoiled. I pray that if there is any immaturity, entitlement, or other things that are causing me to act like a spoiled child that I would see it for what it is and repent.  *When I say spoiled I am not talking about being pro or against certain issues. Don't confuse this with a political statement. I am talking about a spirit or mentality that has changed the way we respond to situations. The whining and ranting on social media, the media craziness, the protests. In and of themselves, they are fine. I am talking about something behind the scenes.  You may not agree with me and that's fine. We don't have to see eye to eye. But we do have to love each other no matter what. Let me know what you think. 

Why I voted for Trump

I've been thinking about tomorrow and what it means for our country. As many of you know, I voted for Trump. To say that I don't share in the apprehension with the rest of American's about our collective future would be a blatant lie. While I don't owe anyone an explanation regarding my personal choice to vote for Trump, I want to give one anyway along with what I honestly think the next four years will look like.

When voting, I did not think it would be a legitimate race for anyone other than Hillary or Trump, so I was forced to choose from them only. (I wonder how many of us felt like that and could have voted in a 3rd candidate, but that's another issue.) My choices were incredibly difficult. I could vote for a 3rd party and thereby throw away a vote, which may give way for someone like Hillary to win the election. That was not going to happen. My vote was very much, "Not Hillary, even if it means Trump." I do not trust Hillary. I do not believe that she has the good of America nor the Kingdom of God as her compass. I do not believe she would have been a good President. I hate her foreign policy. I hate her domestic policy. There was not even 1% of me that was willing to let her win. The thought of her nominating Supreme Court Justices made me want to puke/cry. So if she is not an option and the 3rd party candidates are not an option, that leaves me with Trump and I blame the RNC for that. But these are the cards I have been dealt, so here's how I feel about these cards.
Many people like to bring racism into the Trump campaign, and I fully acknowledge that he has said some HORRIBLE things. For me, the fact that Hillary is a strong advocate of Planned Parenthood, is also a sign that she is racist. If you know the history of Planned Parenthood and Margaret Sanger, you cannot deny the roots. One of the most dangerous places to be, if you are black, is in your mother's womb. So if I am forced to judge on who is less racist, I choose Trump. (I know many of you will see this as a stretch.) I saw all the things that everyone else saw: his multiple marriages, his horrible behavior, etc and in the face of an extremely tough choice between a woman who I believe is extremely corrupt and will lie, cheat and manipulate her way out of anything and who also is very pro-abortion (or at least pro-choice) or a man who has said terrible things, is married to a woman who posed naked, is on his third marriage. It was a terrible predicament. I thought many times over the last year about the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words."
But the real thing for me is that there are systemic problems that I see in America that I think need to be changed. So yes, very much in spite of all of those things, I chose him and I am genuinely hopeful that his experience as a business man will help improve our economy. I am hopeful that he will bring back jobs and help eradicate our debt. I may be incredibly naive. And let's not forget the chance to nominate Supreme Court Justices. How hopeful I am that Trump will nominate Godly candidates and how terrified I was of who Hillary would nominate. For the life of me I don't know why the Republican Party didn't put forth a more solid candidate. Why they didn't force some of the weaker candidates to drop out of the race earlier so that Cruz had a better shot in the primaries over Trump. This may have been an easy decision for many people. But it wasn't an easy choice for all of us. It was easy between the two choices I had but it was not easy in general. I also can't deny that my particular flavor of faith greatly influences my decision.

If I haven't lost most of you yet, I will likely lose you here. I am a part of and follow the Charismatic tradition of Christianity. During the whole process of Trump running for nomination, I was listening both to people who I respect as church leaders in my tradition as well as my own internal sense of hearing God speak about who should be elected. There were lots of comments made from pulpits that I initially thought were crazy. I had multiple conversations with friends about how I thought this one preacher had lost his ever loving mind because he was pro-Trump from the onset. I continued to listen and pray. Many have talked about him being a Cyrus, out of Isaiah 45.
Then I had a dream.

In my dream there were 2 significant parts. The first section, I was given a certain amount of tickets to go to a gala where Trump was going to be and another certain amount of tickets to go see the band Housefires play in concert. I begged my friends to go with me to see Trump because it was a "once in a lifetime event." While at the gala, we were in a ballroom and Trump was going around and talking to people. He came up and greeted us and was so incredibly fatherly. It was really shocking to me. He was very kind and tender and genuine. Then the scene switched and we were at a football field and it looked like a presidential procession of limo's was parked by the football field. Trump was leaving. Everyone was on the opposite side of the fence from him except for me and my friends. One of my friends had a 'fan-girl' moment and was screaming "We Love You Trump." Security guards stopped her from getting close to him. But a red heart balloon was released from the limo. The second scene began at a movie theater. Me and my friends were at a movie theater which had been rented out to host the Housefires concert. I was in line for the concession stand and my friend Nicole (who wasn't a part of my group) saw my friend Jenn (who was a part of my group) and they began running to each other to hug. Their impact, caused Jenn to fall backwards and land in a chair. She hurt her right foot and was crying and saying something like "I give up." I laid hands on her and began to pray for her to be healed and spoke very clearly to her that it was time for her to get up and walk. (The End).

I do a little bit of dream interpretation, and I feel like what this dream means is that Trump is walking or will walk in the Father heart of God and release a wave of love over America. I also think the second part means that there has been an adulteration of the praise and worship movement and it's become incredibly commercialized. I believe God is restoring/healing us so that we can worship in spirit and truth. (My friend Jenn has a tattoo on her right foot in real life that has spirit and truth written on it.) How will this happen?

I think that the only way the healing could occur in Jenn was for the accident to happen to cause either awareness of the problem or the problem itself. I think not only based off my dream but also based off the reports of other preachers, that Trump is going to be a wrecking ball and is going to cause some systemic things that are counter-kingdom to come crumbling down. I think it will likely be very painful and uncomfortable. I think there will be days when all the people who hate Trump will say to people like me, "See, I told you he was horrible. Don't you feel like an idiot. Don't you regret your choice." And I (and other Trump supporters) will likely feel tempted to say yes I regret it. The same is true when any hard circumstance happens and we are tempted to deny God's nature and character. Just yesterday, I was comforting a friend who didn't get a job she wanted and in the midst of her disappointment she was tempted to not believe in the goodness of God. So it's not a stretch for me to believe that many of us might regret electing Trump at some point in the next four years. But somewhere in the midst of all of this, I am hopeful that it will turn around. That what seems like devastation now will turn into good later. That what looks like a forest fire will be a place where new growth comes in and things are much healthier. I am hopeful that our economy will be much healthier in four years. I hope that Trump does a good enough job in the first four that he is re-elected.

I am gravely concerned that he will be representing America and feel free and fine to make HORRIBLE racist and misogynistic comments like he made in the last year (let alone his life.) I sincerely hope we don't see that from him while president. Even if we do, he should not be the standard we set for our kids. No president should be. Not Obama, Bush, Clinton, Ford, Nixon, Carter or Reagan. They all made horrific mistakes. Cheating, Weapons of Mass Destruction, Lying, Etc. Trump will not be the first president who we don't want as a role model for our kids, nor will he be the last. Moms, dads, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents, etc...you be the role model.

If you don't like something that Trump does, don't be silent. Write/Call your representatives. Stage peaceful protests. Start non-profits that fight against whatever he did. Give money to ones that already exist. Start local.

As an addendum: I believe that names mean things. Donald means: 1) Great Chief, World Mighty, and Dark Stranger. John means: The grace or mercy of the Lord. I think the fact that John was the beloved is significant. I am praying that The grace and mercy of the Lord will cause Donald John Trump to be a great chief.

And with that, I am going to end with a prayer:

Jesus, I ask that you bless President Obama and Michelle as they leave the White House tonight. I pray that you cover them and make your face known to them. As they continue to walk as role models in the world, I pray that they would come to know you personally (if they don't already) and I pray that they would be used for your glory. Jesus, I ask that you be with President Donald John Trump, his wife Melania, their son Barron, his kids Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr. I pray that you would cover them in your protection. I ask Jesus that you would send angels to guard and protect them each and every day over the next four years. I pray that you would they all would come to a saving knowledge of you. I pray that you would use them for your kingdom purposes. I pray that they would be able to walk as role models that bring healing to our land. I pray that Trump would not only bring our nation to a better place economically but also that he would become a champion for the poor, disenfranchised, for women, for minorities. I pray that people would see Trump as an ally instead of as a combatant. God I pray that you would give Trump wisdom and knowledge, I pray that you would bring him Godly advisers. I pray that you would give him grace and strength to do this task. God I pray that you would humble America and bring healing to her so that we can once again be a nation after your heart. God, I ask that you would bring revival to America. If that comes through Trump working as a wrecking ball, I pray that you would be with us as we go through the fire. God, many Americans are caught up with fear tonight. I pray that you would help us to walk in love and that love would overcome fear. Jesus I pray that you would be glorified in my life, in my country from this day and forevermore. Amen.

The Discipline of Community: How Syrian Refugees and the Girl Next Door are really no different.

Most of my life I have always considered myself an extrovert. I have always loved being around people.  The older I get, I also have begun to appreciate having time alone to myself, as well.  For the past three months, I have lived in a new town. I have been by myself 90% of the time.  As hard as it is for an extrovert to be forced into a season of quiet, I think it's when I learn the most from God.

It usually takes me a while to stop the noise, and I don't know if I will ever get it fully stopped. Usually my brain starts over analyzing things and I can't get it to shut off. But somehow in this process of very unintentional meditation, I find God speaking to me.  I usually get here because I feel small, alone and I realize how much I need God in my life.

All my life I have struggled between balancing my Texas independent, "I can do this myself", attitude with a genuine dependence on God's empowering grace.  It's really hard for me to find the balance there.

I really just hate the whole notion of being dependent on people.  I hate feeling weak and vulnerable. I so desperately want to be a self-made woman.  Deep in my core I am the most arrogant, proud, selfish person who ever existed. I would love nothing more than to build my kingdom and lord it over everyone, that I did it.  With my chest all puffed out, roaring like a gorilla at my audience, "I am something special."

I think one of the greatest lessons we learn in life is to do community well.  It is difficult to mix with people who are different from us, who are annoying, who challenge us and to love them well.  It's the whole iron sharpening iron idea.  I hate it!  I have spent most of my life feeling wounded from getting the edges knocked off of me, and now my heart hurts.  In many ways, I don't want to be around people anymore.  This isn't me trying to blame the church.  This is me saying why I have such a hard time being in community. I mostly feel misunderstood, under appreciated and like I am a failure. I am incredibly sensitive when it comes to sarcasm. Those little jabs hurt my heart.  I feel like the world has told me that I need to develop thick skin.  Maybe it's not my responsibility to develop thick skin. Maybe the world, the church needs to do a better job of loving and exhorting and admonishing people.  I for one always feel like I'm not "supernatural enough" (I come from a charismatic tradition) or I'm way too intense.  I need to be silly and simple and not think so much.  I'm too smart for my own good.  Everybody is always intent on trying to change me.

Because of all of this, the lack of community in my life is well beyond a point of deeply disturbing. I haven't been a member of a body of believers that I wasn't in charge of, consistently, since I moved away from Madison in 2005.

This makes it very hard to have a "multitude of wise counselors" in your life.  Sure I have friends who know me deeply and are believers, so they can fill those roles.  But they are scattered from Colorado to Wisconsin to Texas to Florida and I am in New Mexico.  The lack of day in and day out community has turned me into one of those people who just show up at church when there is a crisis. I am willing to let people in when my life is falling a part but anything further than that is miserable.

I don't want to care about other people's issues. I don't feel like others genuinely care about my issues. I don't have any reserves to offer people in need because I can't bother myself to "really" spend time with God and allow him to fill me up.  At least not enough, that I have something more to offer others.  I am burnt out on humanity because I don't spend enough time with God to be filled with grace to love like he loves.

I wonder if that may be the issue with the majority of Christians in America?  I wonder if the reason we don't want to open our doors to refugees, aside from rampant fear, is the fact that we don't have the emotional or spiritual energy to love our neighbors.  I think it is INCREDIBLY easy to become a carnal Christian, who lives a very moral life but is not really filled with the spirit of God nor empowered by him to do things.  I think it's really easy to allow the comfort afforded us by living in the West to be a much louder voice than the cries of the broken. In many ways, that's how I would describe myself these days.  I'm just a going through the motions, barely moral person. I guess it all depends on who I am comparing myself to.  Compared to some I feel like a heathen. Compared to other's I'll the next person to be nominated for sainthood.

I just bought my friend a copy of Richard Foster's "Celebration of Discipline."  I have felt for some time God calling me to be more disciplined in areas of my life. I have blown it off, convincing myself it was last night's pizza.  Discipline is difficult.  It is sacrificial. It is a place where the rough edges are knocked off of you, revealing a beautiful masterpiece underneath.  Maybe it's time I choose to celebrate the discipline of community once again.

A New Take on Dove's Eyes

2 Sam 6:7-- "The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down, and he died there beside the ark of God."

I think for humanity, at least Christian-God fearing humanity, there is nothing more frightening than the feeling that you are disappointing God. For passionate, God-fearing, people who want to do what is right, when they experience a threat of what they value, there is a visceral reaction that comes from deep within, that overrides their understanding of right vs. wrong.

I think that's what happened in Uzzah's case.  He knew the right answer.  Don't touch the ark.  And yet, when put in a situation that felt threatening to the holiness and sanctity of the moment, his passion over ruled his understanding and he reached out his hand.  The penalty was death.  Out of all of the stories in the Old Testament, where people want to misconstrue the character of God as a nefarious dictator, this one should rank at the top.  It would be so easy to allow this story to completely jack with our notion of a good and loving God.  But, reader be warned, if you don't dig deeper, you will miss something very important in this story.

In Matthew 8:23-27, there is another story that has similar significance. The disciples and Jesus are crossing the lake. Jesus is napping. A storm begins to threaten their existence and the disciples wake Jesus in a panic.  Who could blame them?  And yet Jesus responds by calling them a people of "little faith."  That was the first century equivalent of ---

Another passage of scripture, in Ephesians 4:1-6, has a less obvious connection, but yet, it connects on a much deeper level.  In this passage, Paul is admonishing (to use a fancy bible word) the early church to choose unity at all costs.  

There were significant threats to the early church.  While Christians in the 21st century freak out over the differences between the prosperity gospel and the liberation theology (aka the poverty gospel), the LGBTQ (and any other initials) place in or out of the church, and so many other worthwhile theological issues that need exploring--in reality, we have nothing on the early church when it comes to divisive issues.  

I'm writing an exegesis of this passage in Ephesians, and in my paper I write, "Unfortunately, as the church grew into maturity, it faced countless perversions of the gospel. Leaders chose to draw lines in the proverbial sand, in order that they might prevent heresies from ruining the church."

For me, there is a distinct correlation between all three of these stories.  Quite simply it boils down to a lack of trust in God's ability to deal with what we perceive as a "hot mess."

In the case of the falling Ark, Uzzah decided that it would be better if he steadied the Ark, than if it fell to the ground, causing much shame and disgrace.  But in God's eyes, David shouldn't have been transporting the Ark that way to begin with.  God uses tragic, horrible circumstances to teach us that his ways are right. It would have been better for the Ark to fall to the ground and for the whole entourage to be forced to go through the ritualistic process of repentance and purification, so that the Ark could be transported correctly.  Holiness is absolutely worth doing it right.  It was worth, Uzzah losing his life.  God would have preferred that David transport the Ark correctly, so that Uzzah wouldn't have put in that situation.  God's not vindictive. But when David didn't do things correctly, Uzzah still had his own choice to follow God's commands and he didn't choose right.  

I think sometimes we don't believe God can pick up the pieces and make things right again. 

In the case with the lake, the disciples didn't really believe Jesus was who he said he was, despite having witnessed countless miracles.  Worst case scenario, the boat sinks and they all drown.  That would be a worst case scenario, except Jesus can raise people from the dead and walk on water. Soooo, don't panic. Trust Jesus.  He can turn this stuff around.

Finally, in Ephesians, the early church made decisions about who was in and who was out. They argued over the inclusion of the Gentiles, much like we argue over the inclusion of the _________. Insert the name of any group there, because we argue over a lot of people.  In the face of tragedy, the hardest thing to do is to keep loving Jesus ferociously.  We want to defend God's honor. It is so dang hard to let the chips fall where they may and keep loving God and each other.  Jesus prays that love and unity will be our defining marker.  When people threaten our understanding of the way to do things, we want to draw lines in the sand.  I think Jesus just says, love me and love each other.  The great commandments are summed up in these two, "love the lord your god with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself."  

God didn't ask us to keep the ark from hitting the ground or to freak out over the proverbial sinking boat or to draw lines about who is in or who is out.  

He just said, Love me and Love Them.  Even in the worst case scenario, God can redeem the earth. Do you really believe that he is that good?  It takes a lot of faith to let everything you love go down the crapper.  It takes A LOT OF FAITH to keep your eyes on Jesus and release love, when it looks like everything is burning down.  

Do you have what it takes to keep your eyes on Jesus and not reach out and steady the ark, freak out in the storm and to allow people to teach things about Jesus that make your skin crawl?  

I think that's what it is about.  It is a deep tethering in your spirit to the nature of God, that he is an overcomer, and he alone is responsible to clean up this stuff.  My job is to love him with everything I am and to love those around me, with every ounce of energy I have as well.  

But these are just my thoughts and maybe I'm one of the people who are screwing things up.  Are you gonna love me anyway?

It's time to move beyond "Do No Harm"

2015 has been a remarkable year.  Popular culture in the United States is evolving and I believe that socio-anthropologists are well equipped to address these evolutions.  The first issue that anthropology is particularly well-equipped to address is gender related topics.  Whether comparing and contrasting the roles of men and women, women in the west to women in the east, the emergence of metro-sexual and lumber-sexual as re-definitions of masculinity, the promotion and acceptance of trans-gendered persons or any number of other issues, I believe that anthropology has the potential to speak into these topics and guide Americans in what it means to be human.  After all according to Texas Tech's website, "The discipline of anthropology is uniquely positioned to both educate and engage students about the human condition."

The second issue that I believe anthropology is particularly well equipped to address is the issue of race and racism in America.  Many people will emphatically disagree with me, since the standard approach in anthropology is to deny that race even exists.  While I completely agree that there is no biological markers that allow for scientific segregation, as anthropologists we cannot allow scientific data to blind us from the very real cultural phenomena that take place on a daily basis.  Many will argue that acts of racism are not really about race, but about politics, economics, education levels, etc. While that may be true, I envision a world where anthropologists are using their unbiased approach to studying a variety of cultures which begins to create conversation points for the culture at large.  It is no longer okay, in my humble opinion, to allow the voice of anthropologists to be locked away in academic castles, but we must use our collective voice to go beyond "do no harm" and begin to "do good".