I began to meditate on Psalm 27:13, Psalm 25:7, Exodus 33:19, Jeremiah 31:4, and Hosea 3:5 (this one was not an initial verse, but came later through a conversation with a friend).
So I asked a normal question: What does your goodness mean?
- Jesus remembering NOT the sins of my youth
- Goods/property
- Fairness/beauty/joy/prosperity
- Goodness of taste/discernment
- Goodness of intelligence/goodness of understanding
- The kindness of God
- That which is good or best of any
- Hiddenness/protection (in the cleft of the rock)
- Refuge
- A warning of the Lord about an upcoming attack, that God has in his control and will display his goodness in. He is trustworthy.
- A response to seeking. Both Moses and David earnestly were seeking the Lord
- Grace in the wilderness
- Rest
- Causing dancing of merriness
- Something that is so overwhelming we tremble with awe before the Lord
- Plant and taste your harvest
- Regathering of those scattered
- No more sorrow
- Mourning changed to joy
- Priests shall have fatness/favor/full bellies/well nourished/smooth roads
- Satisfied
- Rewarded for your work
- Children will return to their proper borders
- A habitation of justice
- A mountain of holiness
- Replenished
So now what? What do I do with this information? So many times we attribute God's goodness to circumstantial changes in our lives (i.e. raises, promotions, proposals, etc). Is God's goodness for real or is it just another way that the health and prosperity gospel has portrayed a truth about God's character. What I mean is, I know God is good because the Bible says he is good but I also believe different theologies change what that goodness means or is translated to in our daily lives.
The next part of the journal suggests that if God is telling you that this is your inheritance, then we must believe that he in interceding for you about this issue. So what would those prayers sound like? If you could hear God praying for you, what would he say?
This is what I felt like I heard the Lord praying over me:
I pray Father that you would be merciful to Jill because of
Your goodness and mercy, because of the blood I shed. I pray that her sins
would be forgotten. I pray that her identity would not be embedded any longer
in the sins of her youth, but that she would stand firmly in her identity as a
daughter of the King.
I pray that Jill would have the Spirit of Wisdom and
Knowledge, the Spirit of Revelation, the Spirit of Discernment to know and be
able to judge rightly. I pray that the eyes of her heart would be enlightened
and that she would know the height, width, depth and breadth of our love for
her. I pray that she would know that if we are for her, who can be against her.
I pray that her imagination would be captivated with the imagery of the delight
and smile on your face towards her, Father. I pray that she would be confident of our affections towards her.
I pray that she will know how to be hidden in me, in the
cleft of the Rock. I pray that she will know what the atonement means and how
she is covered. I pray that in the face of accusation, she will respond with
mercy and grace knowing that her sins have been forgiven and forgotten. I pray
that she will respond out of her identity, not out of defensiveness. I pray
that she will trust me and know that I am her defender and advocate. I am her
reward. I pray that she will completely trust her life into my hands, knowing
that I am for her and not against her. I pray that she will know that I have
good plans for her. I pray that she will know that I have established her and
given her a seat at the banqueting table in the presence of her enemies. I pray
that when her enemies arise, that she will feast on my goodness. I pray that
she will choose to exalt my name and worship me, for when that
happens, my enemies (and hers by default) will scatter.
Ok, so that's kind of cool.
Today I was thinking about the rain in Lubbock. Lubbock is a farming community and because we get so little rain, the city never developed a drain system to catch the rain. So anytime it rains, the streets are flooded. The ground doesn't know how to receive the rain fast enough.
I feel like that's where my heart is at with God. I feel like the smallest amount of goodness is so overwhelming to me that it causes me to shut down. I need a drainage system. I want to be able to contain and store up his goodness in my life. I feel there is more coming, and I don't want to miss out on any of it because I can't receive it. God I pray that you would create in me a clean heart that has a very deep drainage and storage system so I can contain and hold your goodness. Amen. I don't even know if that's a correct prayer.
I was listening to my friend Wendy share about this subject this morning. I highly encourage you listen to it. Just click on her name and it will take you to a place where you can listen to her share about her journey of wrestling with God over promises he made, and her realization of what His goodness really means.
At the end she begins to discuss the things that kept her from fully knowing the goodness and love of God.
I think my two biggest issues are 1) I don't believe I deserve his goodness. Which means that I'm not walking in my new identity. My former self before Christ didn't deserve His goodness. I deserved death. However, the fact that I have chosen to identify with Christ means that I am hidden in Him and a new creation. I just don't walk in that reality everyday. It's like I forget and have to remind myself all over again. The second thing that I struggle with is that somehow I have believed that there is something more Holy or valid or something about sharing in the sufferings of Christ then being blessed by him. I don't know how to explain it but it's kind of like an woman who has been in abusive relationships her whole life has a hard time receiving love. The wires are just crossed and the re-wiring process is fairly painful.
All of that being said, I do believe that God can re-wire my brain and I can practice living in the reality of deserving his affections/goodness because I am a new creation. That's what I long for. I want to figure this out. I want to know that I know that I know that His goodness is for me and it is lavish and more than I could ever imagine. Whether that comes through raises, promotions or marriage proposals, I don't know or care. Sure, I want those things but they are absolutely nothing compared to being fulfilled by him, in him and through him.
That's my desire for this season. So I join Jesus in praying that I will come to realize what His goodness looks like in my life.
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