So I haven't written in a while, and it will probably be along time before I do. I'm not quite sure how 2009 will work out. I feel like God is stepping things up a notch, and I'll likely be putting my computer away for a while. Tis the season of consecration and such. So what does consecration have to do with a bad jew joke...nothing. I just needed a clever title.
So, in 2009 it will be goodbye facebook, blogspot, email, ebay and all other wastes of time. I'll probably attempt to cut out movies, so that means goodbye Netflix too. I'll likely be doing a lot more praying and reading. I've got a lot of teaching series that I will be listening to.
So, this is very well goodbye. I'll be leaving town on Thursday at noon, returning on the 5th of January or late the 4th. And I don't know when I'll open up my computer again. If you know my cell phone, then you know how to get in touch with me. This may go away to, and I may get a land line. We'll see. God hasn't let me renew my contract with Sprint for some reason...maybe it's this.
Love you! Shalom!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Turkish Delight
For probably three years now, I've been asking God for the ability to know his manifest love. What I mean by that is, I know (intellectually, theologically, theoretically) that He/God/Jesus loves me (for the Bible tells me so.) What I've always struggled with is the idea of an experiential knowledge of His love. What does it mean, What does it feel like, What does it look like to experience God's love? It's kind of the same thing with people around me. Friends and family...I know they love me...but what does that look like. Does that make sense? There are times when I "KNOW" I've been/am loved. Sometimes it's in the cards friends send in the mail, sometimes it's in the late night conversations...but those moments are honestly rare in my life. Most of the time I live my life with no real exposure to intimacy (or emotional encounters).
I wrote a poem many years ago, on 11/2/02 to be exact. It's called
"Eyes So Bright."
Take a walk with me
Back to yester-year, when life was free.
And there was the joy of coming
home after school, when Mom
With eyes so bright would greet you.
And dad would come home after work, tired
from a long day-yet when you climbed
in His lap and told your story for the day
His eyes reflected his interest
in your daring adventures. And
grandma's and grandpa's and people
everywhere you went greeted you with eyes
so Bright, you couldn't help know
that you were special.
Somewhere between then and now
People got busy and your story became less important.
But all you knew to do is to keep looking for
the light in someone's eyes. The fire in men
burned fiercely, but faded quickly.
And as you tap danced for God and pastors, like rabid
dogs showing their teeth as they snarl
you realize they are hungry for your talent not your heart.
"She can sing, she can dance--we'll elevate her above the rest"
and so your heart compromises yet once again.
Year's will go by and memories will fade.
In the end there will still be a little girl longing
for someone's eyes to smile at her.
--The End
I've been thinking about that poem quite a bit lately. At my new job, I feel useless. I'm working for a friend and that adds a lot of pressure. I want to feel his delight in me, I was his eyes to smile at me. He is a representation of how I see the Father. I get stuck in performance based "love." I'm so aware of the darkness of my heart, which compounds the ridiculousness of performance based love. Grace is an angel I wrestle with. I will not let go until you bless me, with a double portion even. And I will walk with a limp because of it.
I write all of this because on Friday night I went to a home church kind of thing in BFE. I had been telling God that I really needed to hear from him for the last couple of days. Kind of one of those "Are you still there?" or "Daddy, hold me" moments. It was a charismatic place to say the least....so there was a lot of speaking in tongues and prophetic worship going on. During the worship the leader called me out and began to prophesy over me. It happened real fast so I missed a lot of it. I heard him affirm my calling as an intercessor to/for the nations. I heard him say something about being in an Esther season of preparation. I don't really remember what else.
Then I felt God whisper to me Isaiah 49. I don't think I had ever read Isaiah 49 before (in whole). So these words were so sweet to me. I liken it to being surprised with flowers or a sweet card from your lover.
So in conclusion to this extremely long blog...I want to share with you words to a song called Beautiful by Bethany Dillon. I (and probably every other woman) completely understand the lyrics to this song.
Beautiful
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
[Chorus] I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
I hope you feel, hear, see, know, taste, touch, EXPERIENCE the Father's great love and delight in you today. You ARE beautiful.
I wrote a poem many years ago, on 11/2/02 to be exact. It's called
"Eyes So Bright."
Take a walk with me
Back to yester-year, when life was free.
And there was the joy of coming
home after school, when Mom
With eyes so bright would greet you.
And dad would come home after work, tired
from a long day-yet when you climbed
in His lap and told your story for the day
His eyes reflected his interest
in your daring adventures. And
grandma's and grandpa's and people
everywhere you went greeted you with eyes
so Bright, you couldn't help know
that you were special.
Somewhere between then and now
People got busy and your story became less important.
But all you knew to do is to keep looking for
the light in someone's eyes. The fire in men
burned fiercely, but faded quickly.
And as you tap danced for God and pastors, like rabid
dogs showing their teeth as they snarl
you realize they are hungry for your talent not your heart.
"She can sing, she can dance--we'll elevate her above the rest"
and so your heart compromises yet once again.
Year's will go by and memories will fade.
In the end there will still be a little girl longing
for someone's eyes to smile at her.
--The End
I've been thinking about that poem quite a bit lately. At my new job, I feel useless. I'm working for a friend and that adds a lot of pressure. I want to feel his delight in me, I was his eyes to smile at me. He is a representation of how I see the Father. I get stuck in performance based "love." I'm so aware of the darkness of my heart, which compounds the ridiculousness of performance based love. Grace is an angel I wrestle with. I will not let go until you bless me, with a double portion even. And I will walk with a limp because of it.
I write all of this because on Friday night I went to a home church kind of thing in BFE. I had been telling God that I really needed to hear from him for the last couple of days. Kind of one of those "Are you still there?" or "Daddy, hold me" moments. It was a charismatic place to say the least....so there was a lot of speaking in tongues and prophetic worship going on. During the worship the leader called me out and began to prophesy over me. It happened real fast so I missed a lot of it. I heard him affirm my calling as an intercessor to/for the nations. I heard him say something about being in an Esther season of preparation. I don't really remember what else.
Then I felt God whisper to me Isaiah 49. I don't think I had ever read Isaiah 49 before (in whole). So these words were so sweet to me. I liken it to being surprised with flowers or a sweet card from your lover.
So in conclusion to this extremely long blog...I want to share with you words to a song called Beautiful by Bethany Dillon. I (and probably every other woman) completely understand the lyrics to this song.
Beautiful
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
[Chorus] I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
I hope you feel, hear, see, know, taste, touch, EXPERIENCE the Father's great love and delight in you today. You ARE beautiful.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Random Itunes humor
Though I was not tagged in Jeff's blog....I thought it was pretty funny, so I just stole it. Hope you laugh as much as I did....
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG TITLE DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.
Questions:
1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Jesus Loves Me by the Bill Gaither Trio
Yes, I listen to the BG Trio. It's an albumn from my childhood. "I am a Promise" anyone?
2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Through the Storm by Yolanda Adams
OMG...that is soooo true.
3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Have you ever? by Shawn McDonald
I like a little bit of adventure and trying new things out.
4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Rock of Ages by GLAD
Sometimes you gotta just know that your foundation is sure even when you don't feel like it. (My meme is not as funny as Jeff's) :(
5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
The Preacher Said, "Jesus Said" by Johnny Cash
Sometimes you gotta just speak the truth....
6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Anthem by The Figureheads
I don't like Motto's, only anthems.
7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Over the Rainbow by Shawn McDonald
I have definitely accused them of not being in touch with reality at times.
8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Jacob's Ladder by 100 Portraits
Wish I had a way to get higher....
9) WHAT IS 2+2?
The Ninety and Nine by Andrew Peterson
I was always bad at math....
10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
E Hia Ana Mai by Fragile Warriors
Loosely Translated....Freaking Awesome
11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Isn't He by John Wimber
....coming soon? Please?
12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Heavenly Bridegroom by Mike Bickle
What can I say, I'm hooked on him
13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Restoration by David Brymer
O sweet wholeness...let it be
14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Diamonds from Sierre Leon by Kanye West
The most precious thing ever.....
15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Daughters of Jerusalem by David Brymer
I knew I was Jewish!
16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The red covered bridge by Jesse Lee Campbell
...I got nothing
17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Do you hear what I hear by Vince Gill
O, to hear his voice....I can't wait.
18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
After hours by 8 Bliss
I've always been a night owl.
19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
My Glory by Tim Reimherr
I struggle with Grandiose thoughts....
20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Back to the Middle by India Arie
They think I live in the extremes too often....
21) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Supernatural by DC Talk
Sometimes you just gotta wonder how these questions are answered so perfectly....it's gotta be Supernatural.
Well.....it's wasn't laugh out loud funny, but revelational none the less.
So since I only have 3-5 readers of this blog....I tag you all.
Enjoy.
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG TITLE DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.
Questions:
1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Jesus Loves Me by the Bill Gaither Trio
Yes, I listen to the BG Trio. It's an albumn from my childhood. "I am a Promise" anyone?
2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Through the Storm by Yolanda Adams
OMG...that is soooo true.
3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Have you ever? by Shawn McDonald
I like a little bit of adventure and trying new things out.
4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Rock of Ages by GLAD
Sometimes you gotta just know that your foundation is sure even when you don't feel like it. (My meme is not as funny as Jeff's) :(
5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
The Preacher Said, "Jesus Said" by Johnny Cash
Sometimes you gotta just speak the truth....
6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Anthem by The Figureheads
I don't like Motto's, only anthems.
7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Over the Rainbow by Shawn McDonald
I have definitely accused them of not being in touch with reality at times.
8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Jacob's Ladder by 100 Portraits
Wish I had a way to get higher....
9) WHAT IS 2+2?
The Ninety and Nine by Andrew Peterson
I was always bad at math....
10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
E Hia Ana Mai by Fragile Warriors
Loosely Translated....Freaking Awesome
11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Isn't He by John Wimber
....coming soon? Please?
12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Heavenly Bridegroom by Mike Bickle
What can I say, I'm hooked on him
13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Restoration by David Brymer
O sweet wholeness...let it be
14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Diamonds from Sierre Leon by Kanye West
The most precious thing ever.....
15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Daughters of Jerusalem by David Brymer
I knew I was Jewish!
16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The red covered bridge by Jesse Lee Campbell
...I got nothing
17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Do you hear what I hear by Vince Gill
O, to hear his voice....I can't wait.
18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
After hours by 8 Bliss
I've always been a night owl.
19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
My Glory by Tim Reimherr
I struggle with Grandiose thoughts....
20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Back to the Middle by India Arie
They think I live in the extremes too often....
21) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Supernatural by DC Talk
Sometimes you just gotta wonder how these questions are answered so perfectly....it's gotta be Supernatural.
Well.....it's wasn't laugh out loud funny, but revelational none the less.
So since I only have 3-5 readers of this blog....I tag you all.
Enjoy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)