Several of my peeps are doing lists of things they are thankful for. I didn't want to be a part because, well that makes being cynical difficult. But I just cry when I read the ones from my friends and so, well here's to making you cry too:
1. I love my schedule these days. I'm not quite sure how it's working, other than God's miraculous provision, but all I have to do is go to school. My body sleeps when it wants to sleep and is awake when it wants to be awake. In someways it's the healthiest my body has ever been.
2. I'm grateful that I was working for Tascosa when my computer died, so I could buy another one and make payments on it.
3. I'm grateful that I got to spend a little over a year working for a friend, and it ended well.
4. I'm grateful for a space of my own, tiny as it may be, that has 9 pieces or artwork and a huge Pez collection covering the walls. My space is full of bright colors and the intricacies that make me happy.
5. I'm grateful that I can pay to have a friend come and clean my space, tiny as it may be, because I hate cleaning.
6. I'm grateful that I've found two new pieces to add to my "Hey, that's not a menorah"-candle holder collection.
7. I will choose to be grateful that Jenn via Paige via A Holy Experience, got me started making this list.
8. I'm grateful that I have two new friends: Dori & Flounder, two betas, that will be a daily reminder to think about and pray for my niece Addison.
9. I'm grateful for God's grace which gets me through tough times.
10. I'm grateful for Diet A&W Rootbeer. Caffiene free goodness....although it has Aspertame.
Ok, that's my post for this week on gratefulness. Hopefully I will have another 10 to write about next week.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
weepy, weapy, weapy
Not real sure where the emotions are coming from today. The flood gates are opened though.
I just read a friends blog. She has MS. Her three kids all have their own serious chronic conditions. Her husband is faithful and amazingly diligent to love and serve. Such intense suffering in a precious family. It overwhelms me. She's a brilliant writer. Cried reading her blog from Christmas.
Listening to music today for the first time in maybe 3 months. Shane & Shane have brought me to tears twice.
"turn down the music, turn down the noise, turn up your voice o god and let us hear the sounds of people broken, willing to love, give us your heart o god and a new song rise in us." or something like that. it goes on to say would we feed the hungry, would we give water to the thirsty, or would we sing an empty hallelujah to the king.
things are changing. life is different in the last two days. it's a new season.
new indeed.
I just read a friends blog. She has MS. Her three kids all have their own serious chronic conditions. Her husband is faithful and amazingly diligent to love and serve. Such intense suffering in a precious family. It overwhelms me. She's a brilliant writer. Cried reading her blog from Christmas.
Listening to music today for the first time in maybe 3 months. Shane & Shane have brought me to tears twice.
"turn down the music, turn down the noise, turn up your voice o god and let us hear the sounds of people broken, willing to love, give us your heart o god and a new song rise in us." or something like that. it goes on to say would we feed the hungry, would we give water to the thirsty, or would we sing an empty hallelujah to the king.
things are changing. life is different in the last two days. it's a new season.
new indeed.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
another dream
I had a dream last night that my friend inherited a multi billion dollar porn industry. Somehow this friend had a distant relative or something that died and my friend as the next of kin, got it as an inheritance. So most of my dream was spent talking with this friend about what to do now. $22 billion dollars annually.
So, in our discussions, he/we decided that we would take all the employees to spa's. At the spa's there would be spiritual, mental, and drug counselors. Guys at one center and girls at another. We also brought in the leadership of XXX church to help give us counsel on how to proceed. It was really my friends decisions but I was a very integral part in the decision process. for instance he got a huge house in the inheritance and he wanted to go in and check it out, but i told him he couldn't because we didn't know what kind of artwork was there. he couldn't send in his wife and new baby either. so i went in and there were a lot of large pictures like you would expect in a mansion, but they were all pornographic. so we had a bonfire.
there was another part of the dream that was kind of like a debate on how to win the spiritual battles in play. put worship music on 24/7 in the house, bring out the holy water and anointing oil to cast the demons out, etc. how do you take over a multi billion dollar porn industry without ruining peoples lives and sending them to another porn center. it was strange cause there was this very real sense or understanding that it would crash our economy if we just simply fired everyone. but that the crash wouldn't last long, it would be reborn like a phoenix under someone else's domain.
so there were fast decisions to be made on how to proceed with business, and peoples lives and the spiritual realm.
very real. i literally felt like i was in a board room in Minneapolis (which happens to be the porn capital of the US) and out in a spa in Montana.
So, in our discussions, he/we decided that we would take all the employees to spa's. At the spa's there would be spiritual, mental, and drug counselors. Guys at one center and girls at another. We also brought in the leadership of XXX church to help give us counsel on how to proceed. It was really my friends decisions but I was a very integral part in the decision process. for instance he got a huge house in the inheritance and he wanted to go in and check it out, but i told him he couldn't because we didn't know what kind of artwork was there. he couldn't send in his wife and new baby either. so i went in and there were a lot of large pictures like you would expect in a mansion, but they were all pornographic. so we had a bonfire.
there was another part of the dream that was kind of like a debate on how to win the spiritual battles in play. put worship music on 24/7 in the house, bring out the holy water and anointing oil to cast the demons out, etc. how do you take over a multi billion dollar porn industry without ruining peoples lives and sending them to another porn center. it was strange cause there was this very real sense or understanding that it would crash our economy if we just simply fired everyone. but that the crash wouldn't last long, it would be reborn like a phoenix under someone else's domain.
so there were fast decisions to be made on how to proceed with business, and peoples lives and the spiritual realm.
very real. i literally felt like i was in a board room in Minneapolis (which happens to be the porn capital of the US) and out in a spa in Montana.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
dreams pt 2
Ok, so today is officially Tuesday. Last Wednesday, I, after much debate, quit my job at Tascosa. I'll be ok for a while. I've got some money from the exchange student gig and another student loan disbersement that I can live off of. It's not ideal, but quite frankly, neither was going back there.
Oddly enough, I've started dreaming again.
Dream #1:Mandy Mansker Hunt and I went on a month long trip to England. We had so much fun. There were two cute boys, and one of them flirted with me but his friend was a jerk. The one that flirted with me eventually got caught checking Mandy out on a few occasions. When it was time for us to leave our airplane had mechanical failure, so we had to stay in England another week, all expenses paid by the airlines. When we got back to America, Mandy's family was there to greet us. Mandy had a brown paper bag with flowers, wine and french bread. I had two pez dispensers for souvenirs. I was so disappointed about being home that I sat down and cried in the airport.
Dream #2: I was at my parents house when I was visited by my ex sister-in-law, who brought Bonnie Raitt to give me an antique Pez Dispenser (that was broken). (Never in my life have I dreamed of Pez dispensers, much less two dreams in one week. I think the collecting has taken a turn for the dark side!)
Then last night, I had a dream that was more or less a conversation with God. We were arguing over atonement. All I really remember is there was a big mountain of sorts, and he said the price had been paid. I kept bringing him my sand sized gravel and mostly complaining that I didn't have the chance to atone myself. At least I assume this is about atonement. I don't really know. It was just clear when I woke up that he had paid a price and me complaining about not being able to do it myself wasn't going to change the fact. It was kind of like "no matter what happens from here on our good or bad" the contracts been paid, so deal with it.
Really the point of this blog is that 1) I'm dreaming again 2) it happened pretty much after quitting a job, which is a good sign and 3) i'm clueless as to what the dreams mean.
ps if you know anyone in my family....don't tell them about quitting the job. they don't know yet.
Oddly enough, I've started dreaming again.
Dream #1:Mandy Mansker Hunt and I went on a month long trip to England. We had so much fun. There were two cute boys, and one of them flirted with me but his friend was a jerk. The one that flirted with me eventually got caught checking Mandy out on a few occasions. When it was time for us to leave our airplane had mechanical failure, so we had to stay in England another week, all expenses paid by the airlines. When we got back to America, Mandy's family was there to greet us. Mandy had a brown paper bag with flowers, wine and french bread. I had two pez dispensers for souvenirs. I was so disappointed about being home that I sat down and cried in the airport.
Dream #2: I was at my parents house when I was visited by my ex sister-in-law, who brought Bonnie Raitt to give me an antique Pez Dispenser (that was broken). (Never in my life have I dreamed of Pez dispensers, much less two dreams in one week. I think the collecting has taken a turn for the dark side!)
Then last night, I had a dream that was more or less a conversation with God. We were arguing over atonement. All I really remember is there was a big mountain of sorts, and he said the price had been paid. I kept bringing him my sand sized gravel and mostly complaining that I didn't have the chance to atone myself. At least I assume this is about atonement. I don't really know. It was just clear when I woke up that he had paid a price and me complaining about not being able to do it myself wasn't going to change the fact. It was kind of like "no matter what happens from here on our good or bad" the contracts been paid, so deal with it.
Really the point of this blog is that 1) I'm dreaming again 2) it happened pretty much after quitting a job, which is a good sign and 3) i'm clueless as to what the dreams mean.
ps if you know anyone in my family....don't tell them about quitting the job. they don't know yet.
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