I've always known that typically anger is a masked emotion. You're feeling sad, lonely, etc..but you don't know how to express it so it comes out angry.
So I've been angry all day today. Wondering what emotion is being masked. (As a side note, do they make blogs where you can just record your voice talking, and people can go listen to it? Cause that would be awesome right now. My brain is thinking faster than my fingers can type.)
I think it's disappointment.
Shit. Sorry...crap. God is setting me up to deal with my crap. I can't push it down any longer. This is gonna be ugly.
For an insight into what I'm talking about, I'm halfway through reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
the charmed life
God, I'm struggling to be grateful right now for this adventure that you and I are on. I see my friends adventure, and I want to know why she gets to lead a charmed life? Is she more obedient? Is she more faithful? Is she more anointed? I am in bondage and I don't know how to become free so that I can run wildly with you. Please give me wisdom on how to break this bondage that I am in. As I journey tomorrow to talk about your spirit and being empowered to stand for righteousness and your kingdom, will you protect us, guide us, transform us and love us. Thanks for this....it will be fun! Ok, so I like my journey afterall, and yet still look forward to the bigger journey yet to come.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Miracles are scandlous!
Several months a I began reading a book called "The Ecstasies of Loving God" by John Crowder. It and his other book "The New Mystics" are really amazing. They are particularly incredible because they are very well written with lots of biblical and historical documentation. Due to the specific ministry that John Crowder has gotten into, I am personally glad I read his books first before I saw any of his videos on Youtube. This video that is linked in the last sentence is one of my favorites of his, but it still pushes my limits. As I began to meditate on all of this, I just felt like the Lord asked me "how long are you going to continue to put barriers between you and me?" I felt like the Lord was saying, if he wants to get wild and crazy and blow my paradigm, then who am I to get in the way. One of my particular favorite quotes from the Ecstasies book is talking about how we have made an image of God that is stoic. He goes on to say that just because we build an image and call it Jesus, does not make it Jesus. It is in fact a false idol, if it is anything other than a true representation of his full character. And God is a passionate God.
So, I've kind of had this lingering fascination with John Crowder. Kind of a "can it really be that good" attitude. I know some of you would watch his stuff and not be the slightest interested, and may even be quite appalled. That's ok. I am in a season of life where I want more.
So, I've kind of had this lingering fascination with John Crowder. Kind of a "can it really be that good" attitude. I know some of you would watch his stuff and not be the slightest interested, and may even be quite appalled. That's ok. I am in a season of life where I want more.
When I started working with Justin doing Tech 24-7 prayer, he told me he made shirts for people to purchase that say "there has to be more than this." Scripture is quite clear that signs and wonders are a relevant issue for today. But for some reason, those things deemed "charismatic" are scandalous. Then on a personal note, I have just lived most of my life trying to be in control and that has made me a pretty grumpy and miserable person to be around. But God has told me and the people around me more than once that he has planted wells of joy in me. He even showed me in a dream that I ran into a blue light that filled me with laughter and my laughter began to cause the nations to shake. Just last night I was with some friends and we were laughing and praying, and I felt the Lord say, "the weapons of your warfare are not carnal but mighty....laughter and rest are two mighty weapons in my kingdom."
So here I sit, towards the end of October, and as I'm goofing around on the internet, I stumble upon an internship with John Crowder coming up at the beginning of 2010. It's called the School of the Scandal.
I want to go. I believe it's God's timing for me to go. There's so many things about this that make sense. To go there and come back to Tech 24-7. I feel like it is a launching pad for my life and destiny. I just see going there and coming back someone completely different.
The school itself costs 3300. Plus about 300 for airfare to and from TX, meals for 3 weeks = another 300. Then there's the fact that I wouldn't be able to work for three weeks so I would need to have my bills paid for at home with is about 600. For a grand total of 4500. The first 500 is due by November 30, with the rest being due on Dec. 15th.
It is physically impossible for me to earn that much, unless Arbonne just took off like crazy in the next 5 weeks. Then maybe, but not likely. So I am completely dependent upon God. I don't know what to do. Support letters? Prayer and fasting? Sell the Pez dispensers?
So I need a(some) miracle(s). A miracle for God to tell me what to do or not do to get this money to come in, a miracle for the money to come in, a miracle to not stress the freak out over this, a miracle to trust him, a miracle to not be completely heart broken and lose faith if it doesn't happen.
So if you're reading, please pray. I'm not sure for what..but I am quite sure I need prayer. Thanks!!
So here I sit, towards the end of October, and as I'm goofing around on the internet, I stumble upon an internship with John Crowder coming up at the beginning of 2010. It's called the School of the Scandal.
I want to go. I believe it's God's timing for me to go. There's so many things about this that make sense. To go there and come back to Tech 24-7. I feel like it is a launching pad for my life and destiny. I just see going there and coming back someone completely different.
The school itself costs 3300. Plus about 300 for airfare to and from TX, meals for 3 weeks = another 300. Then there's the fact that I wouldn't be able to work for three weeks so I would need to have my bills paid for at home with is about 600. For a grand total of 4500. The first 500 is due by November 30, with the rest being due on Dec. 15th.
It is physically impossible for me to earn that much, unless Arbonne just took off like crazy in the next 5 weeks. Then maybe, but not likely. So I am completely dependent upon God. I don't know what to do. Support letters? Prayer and fasting? Sell the Pez dispensers?
So I need a(some) miracle(s). A miracle for God to tell me what to do or not do to get this money to come in, a miracle for the money to come in, a miracle to not stress the freak out over this, a miracle to trust him, a miracle to not be completely heart broken and lose faith if it doesn't happen.
So if you're reading, please pray. I'm not sure for what..but I am quite sure I need prayer. Thanks!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Delight, an active approach
I've been pondering what it means to delight for quite sometime. At cursery glances, I assumed that it means to be happy with/in. This would imply that I believe that delight is an adjective regarding my heart's attitude towards God. Let me share with you what I've found and some conclusions that I've come to in the last few weeks.
First off, all good biblical exegesis begins with Webster's dictionary.
–noun
So, upon my initial observation of just the definition alone, I noticed that I believe the correct translation would be "You, Delight/Give great pleasure, satisfaction or enjoyment to; please highly....the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Meaning this relationship is not so much about my enjoyment, as much as it is His enjoyment. My job here is to bring pleasure to Him. But even by titling it "Job", I miss it. My pleasure, is to bring pleasure to the one who will in turn pleasure me. It's really the reality of the Trinity played out in humanity. The Great love dance if you will.
What a relief! I can be at peace and set my heart to striving to please Him, in the sense that striving to please someone is really no task at all when they love you unconditionally.
And yet, I am left with the question....what is it that makes your heart glad?
If you look up delight in the Strongs, verse after verse speaks of meditating on the law/scripture daily. There are also mulitple verses that talk about God prefering obedience over sacrifice.
One of my personal favorites is:
I specifically like this because God told the Isrealites to build alters of rememberance everywhere the went in the Old Testament. God told them to remember at what He had done for them. That's what each of the festivals is meant to accomplish as well. God knows that we have a tendency to forget His character. So if we will remember His faithfulness, his testimonies of goodness and allow the truth of who He is to counsel us as we make future decisions, we will be found wise.
The Psalmist goes on to say:
If you don't spend time in remembering, then we are quick to get our eyes off of God and onto our circumstances. Then we will effectively perish in our affliction.
In Song of Solomon 2:3 it says:
Again, the Shulamite, a metaphor for the bride of Christ, is basically saying I am going to rest in the truth of who you are, and allow your character to be a shade tree to me, protecting me from the harsh realities of life. I will taste and see that you are good. (Ps. 34:8)
Eat what is good....delight yourself in abundance. Who promised an abundant life?
Isaiah 58:13-14 says, "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,then you will find your joy in the LORD and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken.
We hear Paul echo that sentiment thousands of years later....let no man boast in anything but that they know the Lord. (paraphrased) Also, Jesus says, that Justice and Righteousness are the foundations of his throne. The place where he will sit and judge the nations rests on justice and righteousness.
Finally, some New Testament references for you who would freak out if I didn't include them.
My favorite is the last. It's practically the theme for this blog. I delight in my weakness, for then I am strong.
I am weak and cannot love Him like I want to, nevertheless it is in my honest examination of my heart, that I am made strong to try again to love him all the more today.
May his grace cover us all as we try to pursue Him, to actively delight him. Take great pleasure in my childish attempts at loving you today Lord. It may be a spiritual equivalent of a maccaroni painting, that you will hang on your refridgerator in heaven, but as long as your heart is thrilled by my attempt, that is all I can ask for.
Song of Solomon 4:9 You have overwhelmed my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.
Jesus, let your heart be overwhelmed as we glance our eyes towards you. Establish our affections as set solely upon your heart. Let us no longer be satisfied by the lesser things of this world.
First off, all good biblical exegesis begins with Webster's dictionary.
–noun
| 1. | a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture: She takes great delight in her job. |
| 2. | something that gives great pleasure: The dance was a delight to see. |
–verb (used with object)
–verb (used without object) | 3. to give great pleasure, satisfaction, or enjoyment to; please highly: The show delighted everyone. |
| 4. to have great pleasure; take pleasure (fol. by in or an infinitive): She delights in going for long walks in the country. |
What a relief! I can be at peace and set my heart to striving to please Him, in the sense that striving to please someone is really no task at all when they love you unconditionally.
And yet, I am left with the question....what is it that makes your heart glad?
If you look up delight in the Strongs, verse after verse speaks of meditating on the law/scripture daily. There are also mulitple verses that talk about God prefering obedience over sacrifice.
One of my personal favorites is:
| Psa 119:24 | Your testimonies also are my delight; {They are} my counselors. |
I specifically like this because God told the Isrealites to build alters of rememberance everywhere the went in the Old Testament. God told them to remember at what He had done for them. That's what each of the festivals is meant to accomplish as well. God knows that we have a tendency to forget His character. So if we will remember His faithfulness, his testimonies of goodness and allow the truth of who He is to counsel us as we make future decisions, we will be found wise.
The Psalmist goes on to say:
| Psa 119:92 | If Your law had not been my delight, Then I would have perished in my affliction. |
If you don't spend time in remembering, then we are quick to get our eyes off of God and onto our circumstances. Then we will effectively perish in our affliction.
In Song of Solomon 2:3 it says:
| Sgs 2:3 | "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, So is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, And his fruit was sweet to my taste. |
Again, the Shulamite, a metaphor for the bride of Christ, is basically saying I am going to rest in the truth of who you are, and allow your character to be a shade tree to me, protecting me from the harsh realities of life. I will taste and see that you are good. (Ps. 34:8)
| Isa 55:2 | "Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And delight yourself in abundance. |
Eat what is good....delight yourself in abundance. Who promised an abundant life?
Isaiah 58:13-14 says, "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,then you will find your joy in the LORD and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken.
| Jer 9:24 | but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things," declares the LORD. |
We hear Paul echo that sentiment thousands of years later....let no man boast in anything but that they know the Lord. (paraphrased) Also, Jesus says, that Justice and Righteousness are the foundations of his throne. The place where he will sit and judge the nations rests on justice and righteousness.
Finally, some New Testament references for you who would freak out if I didn't include them.
| Rom 7:22 | For in my inner being I delight in God's law; |
 1Cr 13:6 | Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. |
| 2Cr 12:10 | That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. |
My favorite is the last. It's practically the theme for this blog. I delight in my weakness, for then I am strong.
I am weak and cannot love Him like I want to, nevertheless it is in my honest examination of my heart, that I am made strong to try again to love him all the more today.
May his grace cover us all as we try to pursue Him, to actively delight him. Take great pleasure in my childish attempts at loving you today Lord. It may be a spiritual equivalent of a maccaroni painting, that you will hang on your refridgerator in heaven, but as long as your heart is thrilled by my attempt, that is all I can ask for.
Song of Solomon 4:9 You have overwhelmed my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.
Jesus, let your heart be overwhelmed as we glance our eyes towards you. Establish our affections as set solely upon your heart. Let us no longer be satisfied by the lesser things of this world.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
surrender
Do you ever feel like the world is just waiting on monarchs to die? I feel like we are just sitting around waiting for the Queen of England and Chairman Mao and the North Korean dude to kick it, so the next round of political adventures (aka Armageddon) will start. I know that's probably wrong for me to say, but it's a hidden thought. Everybody is just biding their time until this happens.
Sometimes I am so discontented with my life. Particularly as I sit here looking at my very messy house. I feel like I'm strapped into a "insanity jacket". What are those things called? I keep wanting to say life jacket...but that's not right. Or maybe God's trying to tell me something...
I feel inadequate to praise God, to live worthy of His calling, to trust Him completely. I am tired of scheming and manipulating circumstances. I want to trust Him to be God of my life, but man that is hard. That means certain death...to self. And I know it's good. But it's hard.
Sometimes I am so discontented with my life. Particularly as I sit here looking at my very messy house. I feel like I'm strapped into a "insanity jacket". What are those things called? I keep wanting to say life jacket...but that's not right. Or maybe God's trying to tell me something...
I feel inadequate to praise God, to live worthy of His calling, to trust Him completely. I am tired of scheming and manipulating circumstances. I want to trust Him to be God of my life, but man that is hard. That means certain death...to self. And I know it's good. But it's hard.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Promises of God
So most of us know that throughout scripture God promised things to individuals, people groups and humanity as a whole. Some people believe the promises in scripture can be applied to our lives as believers today, some think they were for a specific season. Most of the time I think promises from scripture are taken out of context (ie Jer 29:11). But even that's not really the kind of promises I'm talking about. I'm talking about specific "Abe & Sarah...you're gonna have a kid" promises. "Israelites...you get a promised land." "Humanity...salvation is yours".
The important thing to note about promises, is that they are God initiated. God sets a promise into motion by communicating it to humanity. It is not attached to conditions, it is just his goodness being made manifest into our reality. With the promise of Issac, Abe & Sarah didn't have to "be really good" or "have great quiet times" or anything like that. They just had to do what was natural for married people to do. They, like most humans, felt like they were responsible to figure something out to get this promise to happen, and so they went and "hooked up" with Hagar and bore Ishmael. Because it wasn't there responsibility, they made a big mess of the whole situation. Issac came, in God's perfect timing.
Really, the only thing that we can do when it comes to promises of God is refuse them. The Israelites refused to go into the Promised Land when it came to them. So they spent another 40 years in the wilderness. Since the time of Christ's death, people have had the ability to accept the promise of salvation or reject it.
So here's my question(s):
1) How do you know which promises from scripture can be taken and applied to our lives today?
2) Does God still promise things to people today, and how do we know it?
3) Are His promises today vague concepts like peace and joy or are they specific like marriage and babies? There is a precedent for God promising babies in scripture...did He ever promise marriage?
4) Are prophetic words considered promises? Within that there is a tension between the soverignty of God and the fallen-ness of Man.
5) Are promises linked to covenant in the scripture? Or a result of covenant? Issac...covenant of marriage. Promised Land...Abrahamic Covenant. Salvation...New Covenant.
6) How does the answer to 5 impact the answer to 3 and 2?
As a qualifier to these questions, I have to say that I am talking about straight up God promises...not heart's desires, not rewards for good behavior, not good gifts from the Father. We'll talk about those soon enough.
The important thing to note about promises, is that they are God initiated. God sets a promise into motion by communicating it to humanity. It is not attached to conditions, it is just his goodness being made manifest into our reality. With the promise of Issac, Abe & Sarah didn't have to "be really good" or "have great quiet times" or anything like that. They just had to do what was natural for married people to do. They, like most humans, felt like they were responsible to figure something out to get this promise to happen, and so they went and "hooked up" with Hagar and bore Ishmael. Because it wasn't there responsibility, they made a big mess of the whole situation. Issac came, in God's perfect timing.
Really, the only thing that we can do when it comes to promises of God is refuse them. The Israelites refused to go into the Promised Land when it came to them. So they spent another 40 years in the wilderness. Since the time of Christ's death, people have had the ability to accept the promise of salvation or reject it.
So here's my question(s):
1) How do you know which promises from scripture can be taken and applied to our lives today?
2) Does God still promise things to people today, and how do we know it?
3) Are His promises today vague concepts like peace and joy or are they specific like marriage and babies? There is a precedent for God promising babies in scripture...did He ever promise marriage?
4) Are prophetic words considered promises? Within that there is a tension between the soverignty of God and the fallen-ness of Man.
5) Are promises linked to covenant in the scripture? Or a result of covenant? Issac...covenant of marriage. Promised Land...Abrahamic Covenant. Salvation...New Covenant.
6) How does the answer to 5 impact the answer to 3 and 2?
As a qualifier to these questions, I have to say that I am talking about straight up God promises...not heart's desires, not rewards for good behavior, not good gifts from the Father. We'll talk about those soon enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)