I really hate the poverty spirit that rules my life. I can't do anything without seeing my lack in the midst. For instance today, is Sunday. I slept in till noon, woke up with nothing really pressing to do today. So I played on Facebook for a while and then hoped on over to blogspot to see how everyone is doing these days.
One of my friends is blogging about all the things she's thankful for: husband, kids, family that doesn't have drama, etc. And I sit there tearing up asking myself "when will i get to write a blog like that?" Call the waaaaa-mbulance. Yes I do want those things and more, but I've got a good life and I should be grateful. On FB we are doing 30 days of grateful and it's been hard. I didn't realize how hard it is to find something to be grateful for each day. That's just sad.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
the other side of the tracks
We all know what happens to people who live on the other side of the tracks. We know the kinds of decisions they make, and the consequences they suffer because of them. We watch them on TV shows, read about them in books, listen to songs about them. But for most of us, they will always be....them. Rarely do we become them, or do they impact our lives. Most of the time we are safely removed from them by the tracks.
Unfortunately, this weekend they merged with my family. Actually it's been this case for a long time. My uncle, who is only a few years older than I, has been somewhat unstable for years. Alcohol, drugs, divorce, misdemeanors; you name it, he's done it. Several years ago we had a rough summer, when he attacked my father. That was swept under the rug like all things in the Hurley household. But last night was different. Last night lives were changed forever. He attacked my aunt, his girlfriend and a friend of his with a bat. He was arrested. He attacked them and sent his friend to the hospital. He's got a minimum of 3 'assault with a deadly weapon' charges. Plus they found enough weapons and ammunition for him to be the next David Karesh, he was growing mushrooms in his closet, had an assortment of pills and marijuana in his possession. So my uncle, in his early 40's, with a Master's degree in Literature, will probably spend the rest of his life in prison. My grandma in her mid 80's, is taking it hard. Her mind is slipping slowly and this is breaking her heart. It was less than 1.5 years ago that she lost her husband to a stroke. She has really never been the same since.
It's a whirlwind, a roller coaster of emotion. Fearful of what will happen if they release him from jail on bond, sad about his quality of life, worried about his safety, health, sanity and salvation, concerned for Mamaw in her last years.
It's times like this, that I am so keenly aware of how desperately we need Jesus. He literally is the sustainer of life in times of grief, when emotion is so strong you forget to breath. So please pray for peace and comfort for my family. Pray for wisdom, strength and guidance. Pray for protections and justice. Pray for me, as I change my life up a bit to begin staying with my grandma a couple of times a week.
Pray for my uncles girlfriend, who says she loves him, who has been asked by my family to stay away. Pray for her son, who, in her words, "adored him."
So God right now, I ask for your Spirit to be with Mamaw, to comfort her as only you can. God I ask that you would radically transform his life. God I ask for Justice but I also ask for mercy. My heart only knows those two things as opposite ends of a pendulum, but you know of to blend them into one. God for all of us whose hearts and emotions are stirred up, give us strength to put one step in front of the other. For the young ones, whose paradigms of family are being blown to shreds, provide stability and security. God, use this to draw my family to your throne. God use me, if you will and can, to be your voice, in this hour to my family. God teach me how to pray in this situation. Lord, arrest bitterness and give us strength to forgive. God, arrest demonic strongholds over my uncle. Bring true freedom. God will you release grace and peace over the coming holiday season. May your life infiltrate every moment. Jesus, thank you for interceding for my family at every moment. I love you Jesus. Amen!
Unfortunately, this weekend they merged with my family. Actually it's been this case for a long time. My uncle, who is only a few years older than I, has been somewhat unstable for years. Alcohol, drugs, divorce, misdemeanors; you name it, he's done it. Several years ago we had a rough summer, when he attacked my father. That was swept under the rug like all things in the Hurley household. But last night was different. Last night lives were changed forever. He attacked my aunt, his girlfriend and a friend of his with a bat. He was arrested. He attacked them and sent his friend to the hospital. He's got a minimum of 3 'assault with a deadly weapon' charges. Plus they found enough weapons and ammunition for him to be the next David Karesh, he was growing mushrooms in his closet, had an assortment of pills and marijuana in his possession. So my uncle, in his early 40's, with a Master's degree in Literature, will probably spend the rest of his life in prison. My grandma in her mid 80's, is taking it hard. Her mind is slipping slowly and this is breaking her heart. It was less than 1.5 years ago that she lost her husband to a stroke. She has really never been the same since.
It's a whirlwind, a roller coaster of emotion. Fearful of what will happen if they release him from jail on bond, sad about his quality of life, worried about his safety, health, sanity and salvation, concerned for Mamaw in her last years.
It's times like this, that I am so keenly aware of how desperately we need Jesus. He literally is the sustainer of life in times of grief, when emotion is so strong you forget to breath. So please pray for peace and comfort for my family. Pray for wisdom, strength and guidance. Pray for protections and justice. Pray for me, as I change my life up a bit to begin staying with my grandma a couple of times a week.
Pray for my uncles girlfriend, who says she loves him, who has been asked by my family to stay away. Pray for her son, who, in her words, "adored him."
So God right now, I ask for your Spirit to be with Mamaw, to comfort her as only you can. God I ask that you would radically transform his life. God I ask for Justice but I also ask for mercy. My heart only knows those two things as opposite ends of a pendulum, but you know of to blend them into one. God for all of us whose hearts and emotions are stirred up, give us strength to put one step in front of the other. For the young ones, whose paradigms of family are being blown to shreds, provide stability and security. God, use this to draw my family to your throne. God use me, if you will and can, to be your voice, in this hour to my family. God teach me how to pray in this situation. Lord, arrest bitterness and give us strength to forgive. God, arrest demonic strongholds over my uncle. Bring true freedom. God will you release grace and peace over the coming holiday season. May your life infiltrate every moment. Jesus, thank you for interceding for my family at every moment. I love you Jesus. Amen!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
the cave
I've gone into my cave it appears. All weekend long I didn't want to leave my house. I finally did leave yesterday for class and will leave again shortly to go to work, but I think my heart is still in the cave.
I'm guessing it's my coping mechanisms at work. I just finished reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. AMAZING! But also gut wrenching. My poor friend Erick had to listen to me one to many times blubbering on like an idiot. It's times like that, that I hate being a woman. Prick my heart and out comes a rushing river. Oh, sanity, you are beyond my reach.
My apartment, is naturally dark, so even at mid-day, if I don't have the lights on, it seems like it's late in the day. Which is nice and a tad unhealthy. On the other hand, my complex has lights outside that stay on all night. So at night I don't get to sleep in darkness. This has completely messed up my sleep schedule with Day Lights Savings too. Because now, the light comes peeking in really early (7:30) when I used to avoid it till much later.
I hate feeling like I don't have the skills to cope emotionally to reading a book. It addressed so many things that my heart couldn't take it all.
Jesus I need help!!!!
Ok...I could dilly dally here all day. I must face the world.
I'm guessing it's my coping mechanisms at work. I just finished reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. AMAZING! But also gut wrenching. My poor friend Erick had to listen to me one to many times blubbering on like an idiot. It's times like that, that I hate being a woman. Prick my heart and out comes a rushing river. Oh, sanity, you are beyond my reach.
My apartment, is naturally dark, so even at mid-day, if I don't have the lights on, it seems like it's late in the day. Which is nice and a tad unhealthy. On the other hand, my complex has lights outside that stay on all night. So at night I don't get to sleep in darkness. This has completely messed up my sleep schedule with Day Lights Savings too. Because now, the light comes peeking in really early (7:30) when I used to avoid it till much later.
I hate feeling like I don't have the skills to cope emotionally to reading a book. It addressed so many things that my heart couldn't take it all.
Jesus I need help!!!!
Ok...I could dilly dally here all day. I must face the world.
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