I had two dreams that are related but I'm not sure exactly what they mean.
According to a dream dictionary they suggest that 1) I am lacking fulfillment or pleasure and 2) i am feeling violated in some way or being taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. You feel that someone or something is being forced upon you.
yep that pretty much sums it up. what to do about it?
i was asked last night "what makes me happy".
I don't know. i haven't been happy in a long time. the things i thought made me happy end up painful. God used to make me happy now I'm just confused. i feel like I'm personally living out Ecclesiastes: (Sharina will be happy with this part of the blog, because she'll be able to give me the Hebrew translation/interpretation) it's all vanity, so you might as well eat, drink and be merry. bring on the eating and drinking and merry making.
I've lost my sense of direction. Everything I do is drudgery. I'm sure it will get better eventually. I just have to figure out how to survive the mundane. I'm becoming increasingly agoraphobic. I honestly believe that the prednisone I took while sick, aggrivated my anxiety. I haven't been sane since being sick. Here in a few weeks I'll go see the doctor and all will be on the track to being well again. Until then....
1 comment:
:)
I will refrain from translation, reluctantly...
I'll never forget at the end of the class I took studying Qohelet when Dr. Sneed shared his personal synopsis of the book, (which I cannot share publicly). The premis in Qohelet is that life is rough and more often than not, unfair. Ultimately, however, God reigns. The author wrestles with this for some time in the book, as is clear...
Jill, God is in control. I'm just not sure anyone really knows how that plays out here on planet Earth in every day life. You know all this and I am not shedding some revalational light onto your situation. I am aware of this.
I do know a few things, though. I know that God loves you. I know that you can't hear that too many times, and neither can I. God's love has to be enough and I feel its our life's struggle to understand this truth.
I love you so much and I really miss you, Jill.
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