So I printed off some coupons yesterday and went to the store. I bought some things that I wouldn't normally but wouldn't mind buying. I feel like my great deal of the day was 3 Lean Cuisine pizza's for $4. I would say in all I saved about $10.
Today I'm going to head to Walgreens and CVS and pick up some purchases there.
Living frugally emotionally is different though, at least for me.
I have to say that when a new friend (woman) comes into my life, it is easy to take it as it is and not hope or dream of us being the bestest of friends. I have grace for the situation and will let that chemistry develop naturally. However if that friend is a man, it becomes a very different story. I feel like that deep void in my heart that longs to be loved is like this ugly monster that comes out when a man comes around. I've really been wrestling with that, and keep talking to God about it. He's told me in no uncertain terms to just take things one day at a time and be prepared to take this relationship on a ride down the long haul. I feel like that is good advise for both my boy friend and for myself. I think we both need the time to develop friendship and trust with each other before we take it further. I was talking to a friend on the phone and she said, it's just easier to take things to a physical level and avoid the emotional stuff. That's so true, and so deadly. As I continue to engage God and bring Him into my day to day and process these fears and hopes, I find I want to avoid the emotions a whole lot (ie make out). Deep inside my heart though I know that I'd be robbing myself and him of something beautiful down the line.
After having a 20+ year relationship with my high school friend, and going through the emotional roller coaster there in, I swore to myself I would never have just another 'guy friend.' It's painful. It's painful to develop emotional intimacy and not have it progress to the next level of relationship. Of course in the ever popular 'When Harry met Sally' we grapple with whether or not men and women could actually be friends. I know he and I have certainly had our struggles in that area. Or rather, I have struggled in that area. I found myself being attracted to him in our early 20's and again was so desperate to be loved that I put us both into very compromising situations. Some boundaries were crossed, but by the grace of God we were able to maintain our friendship. Now, we have an incredible relationship and a deep intimacy that doesn't allow for hiding things. Such a relationship is hard to maintain and I have found myself being very jealous when he starts dating someone. Deep down though, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we would annoy the hell out of each other if we had to live together. We may end up in the same nursing home harassing each other in 60 years, but that's a long time from now.
He and I have discussed that men and women have different currencies by which we are paid (get charged up) and pay out (charge up someone else). Men have a physical currency and women have an emotional currency. I think this is where the trouble between male-female friendships really exists. Friendships by nature deal in an emotional currency. There is another very important component within this mix though, and that is that ultimately the way men and women are designed is to progress in intimacy. So women typically have to be wooed emotionally before they'll give themselves physically to a man, and many men find it easier to be emotionally intimate after their physical needs have been met. So for women the emotional stuff automatically leads to a desire to merge. When a man is emotional though, they don't have the natural instinct to follow it up with something. It usually is the follow up. Now I may be wrong, and am eager to have any man share his thoughts with me.
Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that it's "easy" to draw boundaries for physical intimacy outside of marriage, but it is very difficult to draw boundaries for emotional areas. My friend now makes a lot of awkward sexual jokes and inneuendos when he's with me. I feel like that type of conversation is really meant to be only between 'the guys' or between people with an expressed intention on someday fulfiling those sexual promises. But sexual jokes between men and women who are just friends is inappropriate. It certainly does not make me feel like a lady. It detracts from my value. I deserve to be cherished and protected. Of course in 2010, it's pretty hard to find someone who won't laugh at an innuendo. So I laugh, because I'm not sure how to communicate to him that I don't like it without hurting his feelings. Plus there's all the danged ambiguity in our relationship that makes this so messy.
That's all for now...be blessed!
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