Yertle the Turtle

When I was little there was a book, called Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss.  I honestly didn't remember what it was about, so I just looked it up.  It's the story of the Tower of Babel written in Seussisms.  The Turtle King stood on top of all his subjects trying to be higher than the moon, until the turtle on the bottom burped and everyone fell down.

I bring up the title, for no other reason than, I feel like a turtle these days.  When tragedy strikes, I feel like I emotionally crawl inside my turtle shell and try to find God in my midst.  While that may seem noble and super spiritual, it's really just my own defense mechanism to protect me from pain.  Imagine if you will a turtle in the middle of a city during a massive earthquake.  The chances of that turtle shell actually protecting it from falling debris is slim to none.  My protective mechanisms are futile and often counter-productive. 

Really there is only one place that is safe for me to be:  my strong tower of Refuge, Jesus.  I feel like a little girl who's being threatened and who runs to hide behind her dad for protection. 

Love is so painful to me.  Donald Miller said recently in one of his blog posts by his dog Lucy, "It hurts to love, but it’s worth it. Love wouldn’t be so beautiful if you didn’t have to die a little bit to create it. Love has always cost pain."

I love deeply and intensly.  My sweet friend, Anne Baker said to me in an email, "My heart can well imagine the deepness of your grief. You have such a deep and compassionate and loyal heart. You love so deeply and completely. I know your pain is just taking your breath away. And I know there is only One who really understands that pain and grief. May His hold on you give you breath, comfort, and peace."  It was good for my heart to hear, that people know the depth of my passion.  Amazingly, I've spent my life with people who still don't fully understand me.  I know it's my own special way of sharing in the sufferings of Christ, that I love deeply and grieve deeply when my friends lives are going through turmoil.  I don't handle tragedy well, particularly unexpected tragedy.  I don't guess tragedy is ever expected.  I think a lot of it has to do with foundations.

I guess the truth is that I build my foundation on shaky things:  friendships, circumstances, etc.  So when tragedy comes and rattles my foundations.  Let me tell you, Jesus is shaking everything that can be shaken.  It is difficult for me to keep a mindset that Jesus and his character is the only thing that I can stand on firmly.  I want to believe the best in people.  I want to be able to believe that my friends are solid, their reputations are solid, their marriages are solid, etc.  I want to be able to stand and not be shaken in that.  I want to stand on the fact that people will live forever, despite the reality that people will die, sin, break up.  My heart wants heaven so bad because this world is painful. 

Keep me in your prayers as I go through this shaking.