Miracles are scandlous!

Several months a I began reading a book called "The Ecstasies of Loving God" by John Crowder. It and his other book "The New Mystics" are really amazing. They are particularly incredible because they are very well written with lots of biblical and historical documentation. Due to the specific ministry that John Crowder has gotten into, I am personally glad I read his books first before I saw any of his videos on Youtube. This video that is linked in the last sentence is one of my favorites of his, but it still pushes my limits. As I began to meditate on all of this, I just felt like the Lord asked me "how long are you going to continue to put barriers between you and me?" I felt like the Lord was saying, if he wants to get wild and crazy and blow my paradigm, then who am I to get in the way. One of my particular favorite quotes from the Ecstasies book is talking about how we have made an image of God that is stoic. He goes on to say that just because we build an image and call it Jesus, does not make it Jesus. It is in fact a false idol, if it is anything other than a true representation of his full character. And God is a passionate God.

So, I've kind of had this lingering fascination with John Crowder. Kind of a "can it really be that good" attitude. I know some of you would watch his stuff and not be the slightest interested, and may even be quite appalled. That's ok. I am in a season of life where I want more.

When I started working with Justin doing Tech 24-7 prayer, he told me he made shirts for people to purchase that say "there has to be more than this." Scripture is quite clear that signs and wonders are a relevant issue for today. But for some reason, those things deemed "charismatic" are scandalous. Then on a personal note, I have just lived most of my life trying to be in control and that has made me a pretty grumpy and miserable person to be around. But God has told me and the people around me more than once that he has planted wells of joy in me. He even showed me in a dream that I ran into a blue light that filled me with laughter and my laughter began to cause the nations to shake. Just last night I was with some friends and we were laughing and praying, and I felt the Lord say, "the weapons of your warfare are not carnal but mighty....laughter and rest are two mighty weapons in my kingdom."

So here I sit, towards the end of October, and as I'm goofing around on the internet, I stumble upon an internship with John Crowder coming up at the beginning of 2010. It's called the School of the Scandal.

I want to go. I believe it's God's timing for me to go. There's so many things about this that make sense. To go there and come back to Tech 24-7. I feel like it is a launching pad for my life and destiny. I just see going there and coming back someone completely different.

The school itself costs 3300. Plus about 300 for airfare to and from TX, meals for 3 weeks = another 300. Then there's the fact that I wouldn't be able to work for three weeks so I would need to have my bills paid for at home with is about 600. For a grand total of 4500. The first 500 is due by November 30, with the rest being due on Dec. 15th.

It is physically impossible for me to earn that much, unless Arbonne just took off like crazy in the next 5 weeks. Then maybe, but not likely. So I am completely dependent upon God. I don't know what to do. Support letters? Prayer and fasting? Sell the Pez dispensers?

So I need a(some) miracle(s). A miracle for God to tell me what to do or not do to get this money to come in, a miracle for the money to come in, a miracle to not stress the freak out over this, a miracle to trust him, a miracle to not be completely heart broken and lose faith if it doesn't happen.

So if you're reading, please pray. I'm not sure for what..but I am quite sure I need prayer. Thanks!!